no judgement
That was today’s theme! In reading the book “It’s Not About Food”, that was one of the big ideas I stumbled upon last night…that in order to overcome obsession with food, the choices we make regarding it should be looked at objectively, and without criticism. In the same way, it’s so important to stop criticizing and making negative comments about one’s body.
I fall into this trap so often. Even after all the amazing things I know my body can do, I still have days where I look in the mirror, poke and prod at things I wish would just ‘magically’ change. What the author’s of this book recommend is to replace those negative comments with non-judgemental and, instead, observant comments. For example, rather than looking at myself and saying, “I really hate how bloated I look today”, I am trying to re-train my thinking to be more along the lines of an observant, “This is what my body looks like today”, and leave it at that. No judgement.
The same goes for food. Instead of berating myself for overeating, I am working to turn a “I can’t believe you ate so much” into “how interesting that I’m eating when I am not hungry”. I have been working on that a little bit already, but it was a good reminder to read. As the book suggests, bingeing is a coping mechanism that I learned to take care of myself for whatever reason. My behaviors did their job in comforting me/protecting me and if I want to grow I need to continue to learn from these experiences.
I was trying to think back to the first time I had a binge. A couple of things came to mind. Every day when I would get home from school, I was allowed to have a snack, usually just one small treat or something. Well, when I got to high school and was alone after school, I realized that I had freedom to eat whatever I wanted! And if something tasted good, I could have more of it. I don’t know if I would consider those binges or not…they didn’t come with shame or guilt. It was just pleasureful to be able to eat so much.
My junior and senior year of high school, once we all had cars, my friends and I had fun in the freedom of going out to restaurants, especially White Castles and Denny’s which were open late. It was so much fun the things we did when we went out together that I wouldn’t change any of it. But I remember being on a limited budget, and always trying to get the most food I could for $5 or so…and at White Castle, that can be quite a lot! I also remember we would sometimes order pizza, and I could really pack away the slices! I would love it when people would comment about how skinny I was and I could eat more than anyone. But that’s how it always was in high school; I could eat pretty much anything and didn’t have to worry about it.
It’s interesting to me, though, because there never was too much shame either in those overeating episodes…so again, I don’t think they were “binges” as much as they were just times I was with friends and overate. Maybe that’s when I began to associate that type of behavior with feeling loved and cared for? Maybe that’s why my first true “binges” started happening when I was alone at college.
Who knows. Maybe I’m just speculating. Maybe I just want there to be some other reason for this other than it just being some type of flawed personality trait. Either way, the book has been good so far.
Last night, I signed up for another half-marathon: The Joker’s Wild half-marathon. I’m super excited but nervous about the heat in the middle of July. I’m also going to be training pretty hard and seeing how fast I can push myself for this race; I really want to make my goal of a 2-hour half-marathon this year, and I have two shots at it :) If I make it at this race, maybe the pressure will be off a bit! Although I heard it’s a little hilly, but I have been doing hill training so piece of cake 
Have a great week everyone! I can’t wait to hear how those races went this weekend!
June 1st, 2009 at 7:52 am
I think I can probably trace my first experiences with binging to after-school snacking, too. I like the idea of no-judgment, but it is oh-so-difficult. I am fighting at this very minute not beating myself up becuase I am STILL hungry after breakfast, morning snack, and lunch (it’s is only 2pm). I’ve been wondering if my binge episodes lately are a total revolt for not listening to my hunger cues in the past. Or perhaps I am destined not to hold this weight. I really have no idea, but it’s tough not to judge. Thank you for this post.
June 1st, 2009 at 8:50 am
Thanks for the reminders on the lessons of the book! I lent my copy to a friend and I already want to reread it. Sounds like you are getting a lot out of it. I swear I could have written this entire post. It is eerily similar to my experience right down to the Dennys trips. I think you might have found something with the love and comfort of food. That`s how I feel my bingeing started in a way. Having not judgement about choices though is huge and it`s something I`ve been able to do I think thanks to the book!
June 1st, 2009 at 9:01 am
June 1st, 2009 at 10:10 am
Sounds like a really interesting book and something I should read - thanks.
Congrats on signing up for another half!
June 1st, 2009 at 12:33 pm
Oh I think the no judgement thing is big - especially when it comes to bad vs. good foods, doing bad vs. good on your diet, etc. I think it is great that you are looking into the past, trying to see where things went “wrong”. I definately think that it is a learned behavior like the book suggests.
I’m so excited to hear about your training. At least the start time is super early. I hate running in the heat because I have a REAL hard time with it. I think it’s one of those things you can aclimate yourself to though…
June 1st, 2009 at 1:07 pm
I’m gonna be looking into that book. I could really use to read something like that lately. You know how these episodes of self-love and judgment fluctuate.
I love that you’re doing so many races.
June 1st, 2009 at 5:35 pm
I like the no judgment idea! I always try to remind myself that I’m way more critical of myself than I would be of a friend. Thinking about things objectively makes a lot of sense and I think will help you be much kinder to yourself.
I agree that those episodes were not real binges. I think there is a difference between bingeing and pure overeating. Don’t think about being flawed if you can’t find your reasons for past bingeing though. Concentrate on today and tomorrow and you’ll figure it out. I’m sure of that!
Good luck with your training! I think you can meet your goal if you keep training. You are a strong runner and with training, the speed will come. Keep us posted on how the training goes
June 1st, 2009 at 6:04 pm
I think that you need to explore that concept of ‘freedom’ more. Why weren’t your free before? Why do you feel that you need someone ‘watching over your to hold you accountable?’ Just sit and think those through, perhaps. For me it all started when my parents got divorced. The food helped to fill the hole of having two parents that were constantly fighting and a father who was doing his best to raise us but wasn’t really there. Food, always was there. I spent the past 8 years dieting..and only recently have started binging..because for the first time in my life I had finally let someone in through a relationships, then it ended and I moved out on my own. Food became my solace. I have to really think to myself..Michelle why are you wanting to binge? I did that yesterday..it’s because I wanted to avoid going for run. I went and did the run. When you’re binging, before, during or after..ask yourself ‘where’s this binge honestly coming from? what emotion is it sparked by’. Be patient..but be honest.
The book sounds interesting. Can’t wait to hear more about it.
June 2nd, 2009 at 7:34 pm
I love the idea of this…although I’m sure it would be difficult to do in the moment. I know we are all our own worst critics, right?
My binging days date back to after school snacks, too.
Good ole’ Girl Scout cookies! I think sometimes the trouble for me is I get scared when I have too much freedom - whether that’s too much time, too much food around, or I’m just bored.
Congrats on signing up for the next half! I KNOW you can make your goal, girl! You are so motivated, and with doing speedwork AND hill training, that is definitely going to help.
And I LOVE your shadowbox! It looks amazing, and at a fraction of the cost. Love it!