I’m still here!  It’s been a very busy week for me, which is why I haven’t had time to post much; summer school started and so did training for the Chicago Marathon!  I have still been reading all of your blogs, which as always, has been a great source of inspiration for me.

I’d like to talk about some of the things I have been doing this past week that has helped me to be successful, and that also means sharing some things about a binge I had last week.  If reading about binges/calories/etc. is triggering at all to you, please don’t jump!

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One of my recent grads thought it would be funny to post this on my facebook wall earlier today:

Bonus points to anyone who knows why this is a false (although clever!) proof

Thanks for all the lovely comments and support from my last post.  Today was another amazing conference day with amazing food (and cookies and cheesecake), and although I ate more that I would have “allowed” myself to eat in the past (especially in front of other people!  dessert in public??  i’m not perfect??  what a concept!) I’m recording it all and will gladly exercise a bit more later to balance everything out.  I can’t work out tonight because of the RASCAL FLATTS CONCERT!!  Yay for Mom’s :)  We’re seeing them at the same place she took me to see my first concert when I was a young’n (Reba McIntyre) :)  Have a fun-filled night!

What was your first concert that you ever saw?

 I just realized that I have been tagged by the wonderful Melissa, which is perfect because I need something to talk about!  And I love surveys, so here goes

Rules:
1. Once you are tagged post a picture of where you blog.
2. Feel free to tell us a little about your space, or explain certain items in more detail. Or not.
3. Link back to the original post.
4. Tag five other bloggers to show their blogspots.

My computer is stationed on my kitchen table right now!!  Actually, all of my “stuff” is (planner, bills, etc.) which I always have to clean up before company comes :)  Notice the towels on the floor, my pups have been having a tug of war party tonight!

What are you wearing right now?
PJ’s; a black v-neck t and my husband’s old extra large boxers with a hole in them.  Josh hates that I still wear them, but they are soo comfy!  I like loose PJ’s.  Also wearing Josh’s huge fleece jacket because it’s cold in here.  And underwear of course.

What’s the last thing you read/are currently reading?
“It’s Not About Food”, “Marathon” by Hal Higdon, and Runner’s World Magazine.  Also the Understanding by Design book for some work I’m doing at school.

Do you nap a lot?
Not usually…sometimes on the weekend if I have had a long run early in the morning.

Who was the last person you hugged?
Joshy.  I love hugs

What’s your current obsession/addiction?
Grape flavored 0 cal Aquafina.  And Stonyfield farms frozen yogurt!!

What’s for dinner?
Chicken burger and cauliflower with cheese.  Yum!

What was the last thing you bought?
Subway for lunch with Josh yesterday!

What are you listening to right now?
Our Lady Peace “All you did was save my life”…I am counting the days till their new album comes out!!!

If you could have a superpower what would it be?
Maybe flying?

What is your favorite weather and why?
72-75, clear, low humidity with a nice breeze. (I’m going to steal Melissa’s answer on this one!)

What time do you usually wake up
Ugh.  During color guard season, unfortunately at 4:30 am.  Otherwise, 5am on a school day, 10 am on the weekend if I am lucky and the dogs let me sleep in!

What is your most challenging goal right now?
Time management, curriculum design, increasing my running speed to meet my race goals, and not bingeing.

Favorite pair of shoes that you keep going back to over and over again even though you have a zillion others?
My New York & Company flip flops.  And a brown pair of kitten heels from JC Penneys that I can’t part with…they used to have tassles on them, but they got so ratty I had to cut them off.  So now the shoes look as good as new

Name one thing you can’t live without?
Josh.  My planner.

What time is bed time?
Usually 11 or midnight?  I know I know it should be waaayyy earlier.

If there was one place you could be right now where would it be?
I’m pretty content right where I am.

I tag:

1. Sara @ Happy Bellies
2. Lara @ Thinspired
3. Ashley @ Healthy Ashley
4. Marlene @ Mission to a(nother) Marathon
5. Elina @ Healthy and Sane

**

So today was a conference for work.  I had a blast (and it’s not over yet - part 2 is tomorrow!!) and learned a TON.  We were there from 8am-4pm, and they had lunch catered.

The only options for lunch were: salad, mac and cheese, pulled pork, and fried chicken.  And brownies and cookies of course.  Not my first choices.  I had some salad (not great - the dressing was kind of funky), one spoonful of mac and cheese, and 1 piece of chicken breast (pulled off the skin…I don’t really like fried chicken).  The best part was the brownie…so glad I had it, probably the best brownie I’ve had in a while

However, as those of you who struggle with bingeing may know, eating something that you normally wouldn’t eat, or something that wasn’t really your first choice to eat can lead to all sorts of emotions.  I hate being in situations where I have no control over my food…and yes, I know I could have brought a lunch, but I figured they would have at least SOMETHING a little healthier, and I would have really stood out like a sore thumb (again, I know…that’s just a choice I have to make).  Anyways, once the day was over, I was overwhelmed by feeling like I had “blown it”, even though I had made the best choices possible; that I didn’t really know how many calories I had eaten, and heck, I had 2 hours alone before Josh got home…why not just stop and get some ice cream/candy/whatever, skip the gym, and while I’m at it, maybe we could even order pizza later on!  Also, self, let’s just skip calorie counting for today.  You don’t even know for SURE how many cals you ate at lunch, so screw it. 

I really really forced myself to drive PAST the ice cream place and think about why I was having these feelings.  In all honesty, I could have done MUCH worse with the food at the conference.  Really, I was feeling a little overwhelmed with all of the material (although amazing!) that had just been thrown at me, and even a little inferior to all the other teachers there who had way more years and experience on me. 

Would bingeing have taken away those feelings??  No way.  And I knew that if I binged AND skipped the gym, it would really be a step backward for me in my progress.  Once I got home, I told myself if I was hungry and wanted chocolate I could have it, but I would still make myself go to the gym.

Once I had convinced myself that skipping the gym was NOT an option, I realized that chocolate just wouldn’t sit right in my stomach for working out.  So amazingly, I didn’t binge, and ate an apple instead.

Well, as I was cutting up my apple (and I know this analogy has been played out many times, but bear with me ), I was really excited to eat it, because it was a beautiful apple!  Very big, red, and juicy.  But when I cut into it, I noticed that one of the sides was a little brown and bruised.

I actually considered throwing the apple away and getting a new one, because I wanted a perfect apple (I’m so weird like that).  But I realized that would be such a waste.  Even though it wasn’t perfect, there was no use throwing it away and wasting it all; so I just cut off the bruised piece and voila!  Good as new.  And it was delicious, my imperfect little apple.

So I’ll leave you to speculate about that analogy to my day.  It was kind of like a sign for me that I was doing the right thing by not bingeing, as messed up as that sounds :)  I got in a kick-ass workout, burned 575 calories and am going to sleep proud of another successful day.

Good night out there!

I found a dollar on the street the other morning while out for a run with my husband.  I was so excited!  I never find money.  Maybe I’ll have to start running in the morning more often!

Yesterday was speed work day, and I did 3×1600 at the track at a 7:30/mile pace.  It is so hard for me to keep my pace steady during speedwork…I’ll look at my watch and see 7:30, think I’m doing good, and then look down again a few seconds later and see 6:45.  Then I freak out and try to slow my pace just slightly because I don’t want to push TOO hard, and end up being too slow.  So it’s been interesting.  But I’m proud that I did it!  I don’t think I have ever run 3 miles at that pace.  Heck, 7:30 was my fastest mile time the last time I checked it (years ago!).  However, the speedwork yesterday was brutal.  It’s going to take a lot of work and determination to get the kind of times I’m shooting for on my races.

 Short post because I have to get ready for a work conference.  Should be a long (but fun!) day.  Peace!

That was today’s theme!  In reading the book “It’s Not About Food”, that was one of the big ideas I stumbled upon last night…that in order to overcome obsession with food, the choices we make regarding it should be looked at objectively, and without criticism.  In the same way, it’s so important to stop criticizing and making negative comments about one’s body. 

I fall into this trap so often.  Even after all the amazing things I know my body can do, I still have days where I look in the mirror, poke and prod at things I wish would just ‘magically’ change.  What the author’s of this book recommend is to replace those negative comments with non-judgemental and, instead, observant comments.  For example, rather than looking at myself and saying, “I really hate how bloated I look today”, I am trying to re-train my thinking to be more along the lines of an observant, “This is what my body looks like today”, and leave it at that.  No judgement.

The same goes for food.  Instead of berating myself for overeating, I am working to turn a “I can’t believe you ate so much” into “how interesting that I’m eating when I am not hungry”.  I have been working on that a little bit already, but it was a good reminder to read.  As the book suggests, bingeing is a coping mechanism that I learned to take care of myself for whatever reason.  My behaviors did their job in comforting me/protecting me and if I want to grow I need to continue to learn from these experiences.

I was trying to think back to the first time I had a binge.  A couple of things came to mind.  Every day when I would get home from school, I was allowed to have a snack, usually just one small treat or something.  Well, when I got to high school and was alone after school, I realized that I had freedom to eat whatever I wanted!  And if something tasted good, I could have more of it.  I don’t know if I would consider those binges or not…they didn’t come with shame or guilt.  It was just pleasureful to be able to eat so much.

My junior and senior year of high school, once we all had cars, my friends and I had fun in the freedom of going out to restaurants, especially White Castles and Denny’s which were open late.  It was so much fun the things we did when we went out together that I wouldn’t change any of it.  But I remember being on a limited budget, and always trying to get the most food I could for $5 or so…and at White Castle, that can be quite a lot!  I also remember we would sometimes order pizza, and I could really pack away the slices!  I would love it when people would comment about how skinny I was and I could eat more than anyone.  But that’s how it always was in high school; I could eat pretty much anything and didn’t have to worry about it.

It’s interesting to me, though, because there never was too much shame either in those overeating episodes…so again, I don’t think they were “binges” as much as they were just times I was with friends and overate.  Maybe that’s when I began to associate that type of behavior with feeling loved and cared for?  Maybe that’s why my first true “binges” started happening when I was alone at college. 

Who knows.  Maybe I’m just speculating.  Maybe I just want there to be some other reason for this other than it just being some type of flawed personality trait.  Either way, the book has been good so far. 

Last night, I signed up for another half-marathon: The Joker’s Wild half-marathon.  I’m super excited but nervous about the heat in the middle of July.  I’m also going to be training pretty hard and seeing how fast I can push myself for this race; I really want to make my goal of a 2-hour half-marathon this year, and I have two shots at it :)  If I make it at this race, maybe the pressure will be off a bit!  Although I heard it’s a little hilly, but I have been doing hill training so piece of cake

Have a great week everyone!  I can’t wait to hear how those races went this weekend!