I had to look up that word because I wanted to spell it “fullfilled”.  I’m looking at it and it looks so funny to me!  Anyone ever done that?  Where you look at a word or say it enough and it just looks weird, like it’s not even a word?  Anyways…

Fulfilled.  That’s how I am feeling today.  I guess I’ve been feeling this way for the past week or two.  I am realizing that for so long, my insecurities about myself and my issues with food have led me to detach myself from people (at work, family, friends).  When I binge, I withdraw, I am unsure about myself and my actions, afraid of failure.  I feel like a failure when I compulsively overeat and don’t treat myself properly.  I want to hide, to continue to be alone with my biggest comfort up to this point: food.

Read the rest of this entry »

I just wanted to put this out there and see what kind of response I might get.  My talented husband does a lot of work with computers (it’s what he’s in school for - computer programming!) and has his own server set up at our house.  He has been toying with the idea of hosting domains/webspace for a low monthly cost, and was curious as to how many of you (or if you have anyone you know) that might be interested (nothing is set up yet, he was just curious as to whether there is any kind of demand for this at all).  If you would be interested, please hit me up in the comments, or if you have any questions, you can email me at runner611@gmail.com and I will do my best to answer you (or forward your questions to Josh!).

This morning I had my second-ever fling with Greek yogurt.  I took the leftover vanilla Oikos I tried yesterday, and mixed it with 3/4 c. Kashi Go Lean & some sugar free strawberry preserves.  Eaten along-side of my turkey sausage, it was quite a good breakfast! (310)

I definitely liked the greek yogurt better once I mixed it with something.  I’ll see how the other flavors go, but this one’s a keeper!

I went on a little baking spree today!  I had some coupons for easter-themed cookie dough, so I made a few of those:

I haven’t allowed myself to make cookies like this in years.  I think last time I had them, I didn’t even intend to make them; I just ate all of the dough!  But while I was baking today, I didn’t even have the desire to eat the raw dough; and I only ate 2 of the cookies, mindfully, after dinner tonight.  And it’s a pretty cool feeling, knowing that there are dozens of cookies sitting in my kitchen and I don’t just want to shove them all in my face.  It’s great that they will be waiting for me to have tomorrow as well!  I plan on savoring these cookies and using them as kind of a continuation of the “forbidden foods” challenge.  It shall be interesting.  I don’t know when the last time there have been cookies in the house that I haven’t binged on.  Wish me luck!

Oh yeah, and I also made haystacks for Josh!

Then I decided to make my own “Mix-my-granola” mix!  Here’s what I put in it:

And the final product:

I even measured it all out - I will get twenty two 1/4 c. servings for about 125 cals each.  Not too bad of an oatmeal topping each morning!   And a bit cheaper to make it on my own than to order it.

Finally, I prepared a HUGE salad to use for a dinner side multiple days this week:

Pretty simple: romaine, cauliflower, broccoli, and red onion.  

My dinner: chop suey!  Served over 1 c. brown rice.  (See the recipe I posted below - it’s so good!)

Other eats today included:

• 6 inch turkey and ham on wheat bread from Subway, with American cheese and lettuce
• A snack of a fuji apple with 2T peanut butter

Total cals:   1540

Not too bad, considering I didn’t really work out today.  I am so sore and pretty drained from the 20 miles yesterday!  I should hopefully feel better tomorrow

Hope everyone had a great weekend!

Here’s the recipe for chop suey I’ve promised I’d post!  It’s so easy to make, delicious, and pretty healthy.

The night before you want to have this, throw all of the following into a slow cooker:

• 3 beef cubes
• 1 lb. beef stew meat
• 2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil
• 1 c. 1 inch celery pieces
• 1 c. diced onion
• 1/2 tsp salt
• dash of pepper
• 3/4 c. water
• 1 can bean sprouts
• 1/4 c. low sodium soy sauce
• 2 cans mushrooms

Stick the crock pot in the fridge and let sit overnight.

The next morning, set the crock pot on low for 8 hours.

Serve over 1 c. brown rice and enjoy!

I love this recipe.  When I was little, we used to top it off with chow mein noodles, but I like it better without them now.  Sometimes I also like to throw water chestnuts into the crock pot.  Very tasty!

Wouldn’t you know it had to rain and snow the weekend of my longest training run of the season?  So in lieu of running in the rain, I ran my 20-miler at the gym.  20 miles on a treadmill.  It was a little insane.

I was praying the weather would be nice, but no such luck.  And I would rather run on a treadmill than in the rain, so there was no way that was going to happen!  I didn’t want to put it off this weekend, either, especially since this was the longest run before the taper, and I’m anal about doing every run on my training plan :)  So treadmill it was!  I ran at a pretty steady pace, and played with the incline a bit so it would better simulate running outside.  The first 10 miles flew by; the second 10 dragged on.  It was definitely tough, both mentally and physically.  But I am so proud that I did it.  I’m still a little bit scared about being able to go the whole distance of 26.2 though! 

I had two pieces of good news this morning as well!  I found out that I had won a Wordlock Padlock from a contest on Lisa’s site, Workout Mommy!  Very exciting.  And when I weighed myself this morning, I was at 145 - down 2 lbs this week!  I was pleasantly surprised.  I have really worked on hitting my calorie goals each day this week, and it sure seemed to pay off.  And I still am binge-free which I am so proud of!

Here is what I ate today:

Breakfast: Oatmeal w/mix-my-granola & cinnamon (250), 3 turkey sausages (120)

During run: Propel (60), Clif Bar (240), Sports Beans (100)

Lunch: Fuji apple w/2T natural peanut butter (270), 1/2 carton of vanilla Oikos yogurt (50)

This was my first time trying any kind of Greek yogurt, and it was…interesting.  It wasn’t great, it wasn’t bad, just different.  Definitely tangier than I am used to!  I really liked the thickness of this yogurt, and I saved the rest of it to maybe mix with some of my Kashi cereal.  What else do you guys like to mix with vanilla Greek yogurt?  I’m not giving up on it!  I also bought some other flavors to try out (honey and blueberry) so I can’t wait for those.

Snack #1: Tall, skinny vanilla latte (90)

Snack #2: 1 c. cantaloupe (50) string cheese (80)

Dinner: We went out to eat with Josh’s parents to Outback tonight!  I love to cook, but as you’ve seen I love going out to eat too :)  I had 2 small slices of brown bread with a little butter (220), side ceasar salad w/o croutons (400), Outback special 6oz (400), broccoli (80).  I did the best I could with estimating calories; I used calorieking.com to make the best choice I could!!

Dessert:  It was another DQ blizzard! (680) :)  You might think I’m crazy, but it’s not every day a girl runs 20 miles :)  I was a bottomless pit today and felt I did pretty good with all of my other choices, so I had one, and it was amazing!

Total cals: 3090

Wow, it’s so interesting to me to see that number of calories consumed today.  But considering I burned around 2000 with my run (crazy!!) and my daily goal is 1600, I had some wiggle room :)  Plus, every time I ate, I was physically hungry, which I was glad to obey! 

I know I had two blizzards this week, but to me, it’s okay because I didn’t binge.  As I’ve said before, I would love to not crave “unhealthy” treats, and I would love to be satisfied by just a spoonful of ice cream.  I am working so hard to overcome my binges that if I am to deny myself the things I love (and sometimes quantity is as important as quality to me…old bingeing mindset) then I am setting myself up for failure.  Whereas I’m learning that if I want a treat and can work that into my calorie budget for the day, then for now, that’s okay.  If I were eating nothing but 1600 cals of junk a day, that would be a different story. 

But two weeks into this blogging business, 2 pounds down, and two weeks with no binges…I’m feeling pretty darn happy.  I’m remembering what it is like to really savor food, and to not stuff myself into oblivion.  These past two weeks I have been able to surround myself with family and friends and fun activity, and not with food.  I hope everyone else out there is doing the same!

I can’t believe it’s Friday already!  Where does the time go?  Yesterday was a fantastic day.  I was able to squeeze in my 5-mile run before meeting my best friend from college for dinner.  I haven’t seen her in quite some time, so it was great to catch up.

We went out to Olive Garden, and it was a different experience from last week!  I was able to make much better choices, and am really pleased with the food I ate.  I had just 1 breadstick, 1 small serving of salad…and instead of the chicken con broccoli, I got a lunch portion of whole wheat linguine with marinara, and they even put broccoli in it for me!  The desserts are always hard to resist there, but then I rationalized…I could split a dessert with Josh and it would cost me 400 cals, or I could eat my dark chocolate at home and savor it for only 150 cals!  Easy choice there once I thought it through.  And I was satisfied, too.  Huge success!

Thursday’s Eats & Exercise:

• Breakfast: Oatmeal w/mix-my-granola (250)
• Lunch: Salad w/chicken, shredded parm, 2T ceasar (220) banana (110)
• Clif bar before workout (240)
• apple (80) string cheese (80) (after run)
• Olive Garden dinner: 1 breadstick (150), salad (350) ww linguine alla marinara, lunch portion (310)
• Dark Chocolate (145)

Total calories: 1935

Exercise: 5 mile run

Today was also a great day.  I’m really praying the weather holds up because I’m supposed to do the 20-mile training run tomorrow morning, and I’d really rather not put it off until Sunday!!  It’s the longest run of my training for the marathon in April…I’m really looking forward to that taper! 

After school I did some shopping.  I went to Dierbergs to find some Oikos to use my coupons on, and I also stopped in Trader Joes to find some of the fabulous products I have been reading about on everyone’s blogs.

Then to Target where I picked up a much needed new C9 sports bra (on sale!  Thanks BB for the tip!).

Friday’s Eats & Exercise

Breakfast: Oatmeal w/mix-my-granola and 1/2 banana (305)

I have never had a banana in my oatmeal before…it was good!  See, I’m trying to learn how to mix my foods and be more adventurous

Lunch: Salad w/shredded parm, chicken, & 2 T ceasar dressing (220) Cantaloupe (50)

After school: Tall skinny vanilla latte (90)

Dinner: Whole wheat wrap w/spinach, chicken, & laughing cow cheese (235), apple (80)

Dessert: Dairy Queen m&m blizzard (680) - it was soo good!

Total cals: 1660

So here’s the thing with the blizzard :)  I really am proud of myself because I handled this differently from last week!  I love blizzards.  I NEVER ate them for so long…ice cream was another one of my “forbidden foods” even though I love it!!  And I’m the person who can not eat just 1/2 cup of ice cream! 

Anyways, my husband’s friend brought one over again last night for me (he likes to get DQ after his math class on Thursdays).  Last week, I ate the blizzard the night he brought it over, and blogged about my feelings on it.  I really enjoyed it.  However, last night, I tried to determine if I really wanted it or not; I was able to rationalize that I had just been out to eat, and that I didn’t have any room left in my calorie budget for the day.  So I stuck it in the freezer and decided that if I really wanted it today, I would make room in my daily calorie allowence for it.  That worked really well for me!  Even though I know it’s not the healthiest thing, knowing that I could have it, and still stay within my calorie limit was empowering.  And I savored every last bite!

No exercise for today; I really needed a rest day this week, and I’m going to have a strenuous run tomorrow!

In other news, I have a very exciting announcement coming up about my first-ever giveaway!  Well, I think it’s exciting anyways!  And it’s free stuff, so might as well stay tuned!!  Have a great weekend everyone!

Ok, I have lots to say in this post, so bear with me!

It was a little chilly today when I got off of work, so I decided to do my run at the gym on my favorite treadmill…yes, I have a favorite!  As I was running, I realized that when I first started running, I almost always ran at a level 5.0; now I have worked my way up to anywhere between a 5.5 and a 6.0, depending on how I feel that day.  I also used to HATE the treadmill, but now (although nothing beats running outdoors!!)  somedays I actually enjoy it.  So then I started to think about what helped me learn to like the treadmill, what helped me get faster, and just about some things that have helped my overall running.  Thought I’d share them with you (I’d also like to preface this by saying I am not a trainer/professional…these are just little tidbits I have learned along the way that have helped me!)

1) Don’t be afraid to push yourself.  For so long I stayed at that level 5.0 because it was my comfort zone.  And my running never improved.  It wasn’t until I began to think, that hey, maybe I could actually go faster! that I started to see improvements.  Push yourself a little harder each week, even if it’s only for 10 seconds.  Every little bit helps, because next time you’ll be able to go even further.  I love running with Josh on treadmills next to each other at the gym.  He’s great at pushing himself, and I hate to run slower than him :)  A couple months ago, he pushed his speed up to 7.5 for the last 1/2 mile of our run.  There’s NO WAY! I thought…because I had never done it.  But then I did.  And it really felt great!

keep reading for more tips, randomness, and my favorite treadmill speed workout…

So today, while visiting Vani’s site, I see that she has given me my first blogger award!  I couldn’t be more excited!!  I love her blog and she has been such a great source of motivation for me this past week as I dealt with the issues of my forbidden foods.  Thanks so much Vani!

I would love to pass this award on to two other Bloggers who have inspired me so much in the short time I have been doing this.  Melissa and bhealthier have written very thoughtful and supportive comments to me, and have really welcomed me into this blogging community :)  I love both of their attitudes about food, fitness, and overall health and well-being.  You guys rock!

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about Vani’s forbidden foods challenge, which “officially” ended on Sunday.  I think I will still be trying to incorporate my forbidden foods into my diet; which, for me, is anything I have binged on in the past (a wide array of foods!!).  This past week went well, and I’m excited about the progress I have made…however, it’s hard not to be skeptical.  How many times have I had a good week or couple of weeks in the past, only to succomb to a binge at a moment’s notice?  How many times after a binge have I told myself that I would never do it again, that it hurt so much, yet a week later seem to forget all the pain for a moment of pleasure? 

I truly am learning that I am in control of the next choice I make regarding food; but I also know that old habits die hard, and I’d be foolish to think I’ve beaten this in just a week.  It’s going to take a lot of hard work.  But I am up for it.  I will continue to log my meals/calories/exercise here as a way to hold myself accountable and track my progress.  I will continue to try to release the stigma from certain foods and allow myself to eat the things I love, while trying to keep a main focus on healthy choices and staying within my calorie budget. 

Some days aren’t going to be pretty.  I’m dreading the day that seems inevitable, where I go to town on my eating, and I’m hoping that I will have the courage to stay honest about everything.  But for once it seems possible that I can make those days few and far between.  And that’s exciting.

click for today’s eats, exercise & more…

Ah, the first day back after spring break!  Josh really saved the day today, because I forgot my computer at home!  I got all the way to school before I realized it (of course!) and he was sweet enough to bring it up to me before work.  What would I do without him!

When I got home, I was excited to see these waiting for me:

I know they are floating around everywhere, but I feel so special!  A big thanks to Kristina from Stonyfield Farms for sending them.  I actually have never tried Greek Yogurt, but have heard so much about it; I can’t wait to find some Oikos and try it out!

Today’s Eats (with calorie counts):

1/2 c. oatmeal (made w/water), cinnamon, & my Mix-my-Granola mix (dried blueberries, flaxseed, oat bran, muesli, & tiny chocolate chips) (250):

Tall skinny vanilla latte (it was hard to wake up this morning!) (90):

Here’s the supply that usually goes with me to school each day:

• String cheese (AM snack) (80)
• Salad (romaine lettuce, shredded parm, chicken) w/2T caesar dressing (220), Banana (110)
• Clif Bar (after school & before workout) (240)

Most of the time this doesn’t change…I’m a creature of habit!  I would love some different suggestions for salads to bring though :)  I’m not very creative in the salad department!

After workout - Propel (30), Fuju apple w/2T natural organic peanut butter (280):

Dinner - Whole grain wrap w/spinach, laughing cow cheese, & chicken (240), 1 c. cantaloupe (50):

Total Calories: 1590

Exercise:

Cardio:

• 5.2 mile run, treadmill (miles 2 & 4 were speed intervals - great run today!)

Weight Training:

• Chest Press Machine 3×10/50 lbs
• Chest Fly machine 3×10/50 lbs
• Tricep press machine 3×10/70 lbs
• Tricep dips 3×10
• Overhead Press Free Weights 3×10/15 lbs
• Side Raise 3×10/10 lbs

Overall, a good exercise day!

I could use some help with the calories if anyone has any advice.  When I calculate my BMR, I should be able to lose about 1/2 lb per week by eating 1600 cals…that takes into account my BMR and my daily activity level (without exercise).  So I’m taking that as on days I don’t exercise, eat 1600 cals.  Ok, got it.  But what about days I am exercising?  For example, lets say I burned 500 cals today during my workout…does that mean I should be eating 2100 cals?  Or do I want that huge defecit?  I don’t want my body to think it’s starving, but I don’t want to overeat either, especially when I want to lose about 20 more pounds.  Help!!

 Also, when I’m leaving comments on others’ sites, some (I think it’s Blogger) don’t have a place where I can sign in to comment with just my name and URL, so I’m having to comment using my wordpress ID, which is then using the link to my former page.  I’m sorry about this!  I’m not sure what else to do when commenting, or how to leave a correct link :)  I feel like such a newbie.  Again, any help is appreciated!!

Today’s fun giveaways:

• Julie’s first giveaway!
• meloncauliflower’s surviving the slump giveaway
• Jumbo Empanada’s Vita-mix giveaway
• Run to the Finish has a Mix-my-cereal contest!

This morning I weighed in at 147.0 on the dot.  No change at all from last week.  While I am dissappointed, I am proud of the fact that I did not binge this week.  I had some treats, but I ate them while fully focused and in control, not frantically and mindlessly as I do when I binge.  Coming off of practically 3 months of bingeing at least twice a week, it’s a huge accomplishment.  It will be interesting to see what happens if I keep this up, if my weight will continue to be stable or if it will drop a little.  I would hope it would drop since overall I am consuming less food, but we will see.  As I said before, I am really excited to start incorporating more and more healthy foods into my diet (I’ve gotten so many great ideas from other blogs!) and eventually eliminating more and more of the junk, but I really need to work on my mindset and stay focused at keeping the oveating at bay.  I’m sure the rest will follow.

Miz left a comment about how having a mantra has helped her out.  Does anyone have any good mantras they use to help prevent overeating or remind you of the healthy lifestyle you want to maintain?

Today was a fabulous, lazy Sunday.  Josh and I have been sitting outside all day around the fire pit in our back yard, trying to burn all the wood from a tree that fell down in our yard.  Josh had it all cut up into tiny pieces and stacked neatly in a huge pile, but our dogs Itsy and Coal love to drag the sticks all over the yard so it looks like a mess :)  It feels good to finally have it cleaned up a little! 

School starts again tomorrow, so things will be busy for me again!  The grocery budget was kind of tight this week so I don’t know how many recipes I will be putting together.  I have a great slow-cooker Chop Suey recipe (that I’ve tried to make healthier!) I will be making later on this week, so stay tuned for that!  Also, visit Brilynn for a chance to win a Vita-Mix blender!!  Yes, you read that correctly!  You will be in green smoothie heaven :) 

Have a good Monday!